‘CLAP ON, CLAP OFF’ DAMAGE CONTROL FOR INTEL CHIEF CLAPPER

JAMES CLAPPER - Director of National Intelligence in off position

WASHINGTON – The Obama administration scrambled on Wednesday to undo the damage from an ABC News clip that appeared to show James R. Clapper, the director of national intelligence, was clueless on Monday about terrorist arrests in the United Kingdom that had been a major news story for hours.

Administration officials said that in the hours before the taping of an interview with ABC News’ Diane Sawyer,  Sawyer was told Clapper is a ‘Clap on, Clap off’ official.  “Clapper does not respond to questions unless he is clapped on, ” said Janet Napolitano, the secretary of homeland security. “Ms. Sawyer was told this but she refused to clap for Clapper.  And that is why he didn’t answer her question about the London arrests.”

A spokesman at ABC NEWS claimed the ‘Clap On Clap Off defense was absurd. “If that is all they can come up with, we should just all click our heels three times, go home, and eat some Twinkies.”